In chapters 50 and 51 of my book, Finding Unconditional Love a Little “Peace” at a Time, I share an event that changed my life, and though it may seem like a difficult experience to share, I want to assure you that there are no lingering negative feelings regarding it.
The Incident - A Recollection
"Of the good in you I can speak, but not of the evil. For what is evil
but good tortured by its own hunger and thirst? - Kahlil Gibran
I HAD GONE TO Texas with Pam, my cousin. She was meeting her fiancé who was stationed there. It was late at night; I decided to give them some time alone.
I went to the motel swimming pool around 1:30 in the morning. I was raped by a man I didn’t know; I was still a virgin at nineteen.
I didn’t report the rape. I was from out of town; we were in a cheap motel; girls were not believed then; I concluded nothing would come of reporting it.
I became pregnant. Abortions were not legal except for fringe circumstances; mine was one of them. The process was a trying one. I was in college; it was miles away from the military hospital I was entitled to use since my father was in the Army. I took the train; it took hours. I took public transportation; it took patience; I called my brother; it took courage.
The process required exams of two psychiatrists to qualify for the abortion. The procedure required induced labor and delivery. The first time it was scheduled, I arrived only to discover that it was too soon; I had to be further along. I had to go back to school and wait some more. By the time the procedure was performed, I was three and half months pregnant.
I killed a child; there’s no way around that. I begged the doctor to tell me if it was a boy or girl; he refused. I’m glad; he spared me the burdened of thousands of images of the might- have-beens, but the sorrow lingers.
The Lock - A Recollection
"Fear is the little darkroom where negatives are developed." - Michael Pritchard
I HAD ARRIVED HOME from Texas. It was my first night home alone. It was time to go to bed. I went to the front door to lock it.
I reached out for the bolt; I came to a dead stop just before my hand touched it. A crossroads; a fork; a decision. I paused. I had never locked my door before; there had never been a reason to.
I clenched my jaw. “NO! NO! NO! I will not become a victim a second time.” I had been his victim once, but I didn’t have to remain one. He controlled my body for a time, but he would not control another moment of my life.
I had a choice; go through life with fear or go through life with love. I didn’t lock the door; I slept through the night for the first time since the rape; I have not looked back since. Love won.
The secret of life isn’t what happens to you, but what you do with what happens to you.
The Incident and The Lock is found in Who am I really? of thePark Benches: Explore Questions section of the Website.
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The Incident and The Lock
From: Finding Unconditional Love a Little "Peace" at a Time by Jeanne Sanner
The Incident and The Lock